I am so frustrated right now. So frustrated. Not with any one or any particular situation; no I am frustrated with myself.

Lately I have been plagued with self-doubt. I have all these things/projects/beginnings I want to embark on. I have all the tools and resources that I need to take that step forward on all fronts. But still I’m stuck. I feel like I’m shackled by my doubt in myself in that in turn has made me feel fat, lazy, and stupid. And feeling like that when you know with every fiber of your being your potential to excel is defeating. Defeating.

I want to start my own consulting business. I’ve got the resources, contacts, and chops to do it. Yet I’ve thrown the idea around for about a month and haven’t concretely done anything about it.

I want to start cooking. I want to learn to eat better to feel better. I want to develop the habit of preparing and enjoying meals so I can share that with my family. I want to be able to give that experience that I never had to my family. The way I eat now is unhealthy, expensive and honestly not all that great tasting.

I want to start working out. I want to feel healthy and fully alive. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and strong.

I want to write. I used to LOVE to write. LOVE. Now whenever I go to put pen to paper or finger to keyboard I just think “who would want to read this? What unique things could I possibly have to say? And anytime I do get to the point where I have actually written something I look at it and think of all that ways it could be mocked.

So I sit in front of my computer and try to plan for these things and I get overwhelmed. And anxious. And I think of all the times in the past I might have tried to do these things and it didn’t work out. And I ask myself “why even bother?”.

I want to live my best life. I want to feel present and fulfilled and alive. I want to live a life I’m proud of. But when it comes to the point where I stop making lists and start taking action I’m just stuck. I feel like my demon of doubt is shackling me in place.